It’s Not the End

Failure: It’s not the End

 

 

What do you think what a failure is? Something that ends up the path you’re going on? Well, at the very moment yes you may feel that. I know how it is because I too faced it. It feels like I’m the only one left behind while the whole world has moved ahead. A storm rises up inside, which is apparently silent but comes along with ignite that can burn every inch of you. Sometimes there is no hope left after all. You’re filled with anger and hatred, although that’s not what you want. I myself use to get offended over little things and reacted dis-pleasingly.  Though felt bad afterwards that but was not able to control myself at the moment. This pique grew more and more day by day. Eventually I started to blame God for this failure, as most of us do. I did not even hope for some miracle. I was disheartened and do not wished to do anything else. Months passed in this agony. My desire to try on had finished.

One day while I was buying some household stuff at the market, I saw a child hardly ten years of age working on a mechanic shop on the road nearby. The elder people called him out every minute and gave him work such as fixing the tires and tightening the clutch pedals and whenever he made even a little mistake they beat him up very badly. I thought why he doesn’t let it go and do some other work and decided to talk to him. When I approached him and asked him to do some other work instead, I still remember what he replied me back with, ‘I do not want to do this myself but I’m helpless. If I return home with nothing in my hand what would my sister and I eat?’. This made me very emotional so I asked him that doesn’t he want to go to school like others? He said, obviously he do. He feels bad whenever he see children of his age passing by him in uniforms. Then he looked up towards the sky and smiled and said but I know one day I will make it up and He has to make my life better. I was so touched by his words that my eyes were filled with tears. I tried to give him some money but he refused to take it saying that if he had to beg he would have done it before. I couldn’t stand there for one more minute and went away.

That whole day I could not get of his innocent face from my sight. I could not get my mind off his smile. And that was the day when I thought that what am I doing to myself? God has given me a life way too much better than thousands of people around me and I’m wasting it over just one failure, while that little child was bearing the physical and mental torture daily with so much guts. That day I decided that I’m not going to sit in the room ruing over my failure. I am going to try no matter how many times I knock down. I tried my luck once more and in a very few tries I was able to again cope up with everything.

A lesson which I learned from it was that we have to realize that failure does not mean the game is over but it is to try again with experience. Thomas Edison said that I haven’t failed. I have found ten thousand ways that won’t work. And this is what we all need to understand. If we fall ninety nine times, there is still a hope that that hundredth try would be ours and we will stand up at it. Success is not a straight path to walk on and achieve the goal, but it is a path full of hurdles and failures and one cannot reach to those goals without failing. Failure is a part of success, in which you cannot succeed without trying. Do not worry about failures, worry about the chances you miss when you don’t try. Those failures are the experiences like gold coins in your treasure. I now feel that yesterday ended up last night and a dawn is waiting for you to rise and shine. Giving up is never an option. Yes, it’s not the end but a chance to start up again.

 

YOU ARE IMPORTANT

Since we are born, we are “trained” for a certain pattern. Like for the girls, sit properly, don’t laugh loudly, “Agle ghar yeh sab nahi chalna, kar lo jitney nakhre karne”. Same is for the boys, you are our future, work work work, “who karo jo ghar chalaye, faltu cheezon me dehan mat do”. Our dreams, passions, like and dislikes are somewhere lost between these so called standards of our society. Our society is basically consisting of machines not humans. We are brought up in that way. We care about what others will think about us, even we deny this. It does matter when someone notices that uneven liner of yours. We actually care that what the aunty living at the end of the street will say if you don’t wear dubata. Somewhere between these, we forget ourselves; what we want and what makes us actually happy. Even if someone tries to follow their passion, everyone sets up their guns to shoot you with disappointments and bound you with worldly chains.

 

A friend of mine is a magical artist. She literally adds magic to the things she makes. But she isn’t able to carry on or follow that particular field because this is something of no use and it isn’t going to generate any profit to her and the family.  She has forgotten all those things she use to paint and for hours used to spent time with. But whenever she sees anyone else painting or anything related to it, her eyes narrate the story. She is happy now but that thirst in her eyes is never gone. She forgot her own passion and just for the sake of her family or the society she let go. Now whenever I ask her about it she says change the topic or what is God’s will.  I can never understand this actually. God’s will is what the people around us want? Like how do you know God wanted this for you? Maybe you could have fought for that. Yes, many of the times, almost always, they won’t listen to you. But at least in the future you won’t regret that you did not try.  Whole life we run after those things which maybe aren’t that important for us. We run after chasing money, which is necessary but that costs us that time which we could give to our loved ones. The male members in our houses, fathers or brothers etc, work day and night just to give the family a happy and prosperous lives. Have you ever wondered how much they sacrifices for us? Ever wondered what their dreams were or what they wanted from their lives? Our mothers work throughout the day just to make us happy. Even if they are sick they keep on working so we may not feel bad. Ever wondered that is this the life she wanted to choose for herself?

What has gone will never come back again. Time never stops for anyone. People come in your life and when their desire is complete they are gone. The only one left then is you.  We actually never respect ourselves. We can die for someone but cannot speak for our right or for what we desire. “YOU” are important. Yes for others but firstly for your own self. People who give importance to themselves are maybe judged at first, maybe hated too but those people are given respect by others then. Going against everyone is not something what I am trying to say is that giving yourself that courage to speak and know that you exist and that for some purpose is definitely important. One logical fact for this could be that you were born alone, lived with some good or bad people in different circumstances but will at the end die alone. So why don’t consider yourself significant? It not that always roam around with a ‘me’ tag but knowing what your worth is. Don’t cry over what is gone and blame God for that. There is a famous proverb, “God help those who help themselves”.  Try it once. Yes you might lose sometimes, people might knock you down and judge you to that extent that you start hating yourself but it is better than that feeling to despair and regret that you may feel at the end when many of these people around you will think about themselves and leave. No one can teach you what to do and not by only yourself. A person learns from their own experience and this is the thing which you need to imply in your lives. Learn from what your elders have gone through and their dreams and at least try to follow yours. And even if that sounds difficult or uncertain, just for once recognize yourself; who you actually are and what is the thing guiding you. The peace which you find in others lies within yourself. No other human can give you that peace but only you, because ultimately that search ends on you.

The Beauty Standards

​We live in a land of standards. From height, size, love to someone’s personality, we have a standard for everything. Especially when it comes to looks. Everyone has its own standard of beauty.  We judge anyone on the basis of their looks. The girl wearing glasses is a nerd. The man with big beard is very conservative and so many innumerable judgmental statements. I have actually failed to find the reason behind these judgments.  

My entire life, I’ve been thinking that why we do so. There is a special bunch of aunties at every wedding and family gathering who got nothing to do with the event but only joins in to make comments over people. “Look at that lady. Oh I hate her hair. She is so fat and still is wearing that frock.” Then they laugh. For me it is very annoying to deal with them. I mean who are you to judge someone like that? I know people getting conscious due to it. That girl, whom you once called fat, doesn’t eat now and is ill. The girl, whom you taunted of being dark skinned has destroyed her skin with bleaches. But does that make you a perfect human? 

It’s in our blood. We cannot stay away from it. A little girl plays with a doll, who is a complete figured woman. That little girl wants to grow beautiful just as that doll, with long hair, fair skin, big eyes, perfectly curved body. And for the little boys, they grow up watching those perfectly dressed men in the parties, tall dark and handsome in a statement. Those children know beauty by a standard which we have settled for them. Girls here in hot weather conditions, want their skin to be more fair and smooth. So they apply different creams and bleaches and other products and as a resultant they destroy their skin. 

Our media is playing its role very affectively. On daily basis, new creams are launched and their advertisements are broadcasted all over the TV channels and now on the social media. Models with long height and clear skin walk over ramps and the audience, especially the youngsters, gets influenced by it. Boys wear studs and jeans, just to fall on the standard of handsomeness. People idolize the actresses. Every girl wants to be a scupture of beauty that people around her idolize. With those two kilos of makeup on a teenage girl even looks an adult. These standards as a result, give birth to crimes. People bully others calling them fat, ugly and many abusive titles. People who are victimized get so conscious about their looks that they try to match these standards and still people around them aren’t satisfied. What is the definition of beauty, to be perfect in looks? If this is the how we define beauty, then the whole world is ugly.

Everybody is beautiful the way he or she is. An American is beautiful with bright skin and edgy features on her own but that doesn’t mean an African with dark skin is ugly. If one has long hair that doesn’t mean the one with short hair is not adorable. Our criticizing may discourage the other person. We can never be perfect. Our flaws stay with us throughout our lives and we live with those. I have seen people with dark skin who are beautiful but just because the society criticizes them, they feel ugly. I have seen fat people who are more active than me. We need to understand this that every human is beautiful. God’s creation cannot be ugly, and if He had made everyone alike then who are we to judge. We need to put this mindset of a standard of beauty to a side. Otherwise, this whole world would seem ugly to us. We don’t even realize that we are making ourselves so judgmental that it may harm someone’s emotions. We need to understand that the standards we’ve made to measure beauty are unjust. From a model shooting in Alaska to a woman working in fields of China, everybody holds a self-contained definition of beauty. We just need to stop being judgmental and respectively praise the beauty without measuring it over the scale of beauty we have made.  

Following the Bliss

​The word “bliss” to me is a deep satisfaction and fulfillment than only happiness. A person can only be happy when is satisfied that cannot be achieved any other way. When you follow your bliss you are able to live your life more peacefully. It’s not only happiness but a satisfactory feeling that is true “You”. Bliss is the pathway to happiness and happiness is the state of mind satisfaction. And following the bliss is the way to get there. 

We live in a world where following what you want might become calamitous. In this ocean we become the fishes with no aim but keeps on swimming. We stretch a line around us and do not want to get out of it. Sometimes we name it as responsibilities and the other we blame on the fate. Unintentionally we have made so many layers of lies to hide what we really are unable now to get out of those. We are running in a race without even knowing for the goal. We are taught to run no matter what comes in the middle. It doesn’t matter we are happy with it or not. Here, by following the bliss, I don’t mean to leave everything and do what you want but I’m saying that work along with your bliss. 

When a person does become hopeless? When he has been doing what told but is not satisfied and ultimately he would be depressed and hopeless. Your bliss gives you a sense of purpose, belonging, clear objectives and deep self-awareness. It does not mean that you leave all the things you’re doing but it is meeting yourself. To happy you must do something, so do what you’re getting happiness with. But for that firstly you need to know what your bliss is. 

In many relationships, people are just not happy just because they do not understand each other or even don’t try to. But still want to stay together. They want to be together because their happiness is with that person. They know their bliss but they are unable to make their partner understand what they feel like. Nothing can go right without any action. You need to talk about the grudges between you two and solve it. Make them understand what you feel like and tell about yours. Happiness will come only when you take a step towards it actively. 

It is not always necessary to be in those self-made walls around you and neither is to bind yourself with responsibilities. Open up. It is very important for you. Now, by opening up I again don’t mean to leave everything or be outspoken. I mean give yourself some space. You cannot be happy until and unless you allow yourself to be. This is to follow the bliss. Nothing will go wrong if you let go some of the things whom depresses you. Yes there would be questions, maybe you fall too. But that wouldn’t harm anyone. You’ll fail some times to make other understand yourself but this is what you are.  If you want others to accept you, you need to first accept yourself. 

I think no one can stop you from doing what you like until the way you choose is right. If yesterday was tough for you to handle and you weren’t able to do what makes you happy then why don’t try today? What worse would things go? Some would go against you or you might have to leave a few things. That’s it. By the passage of time, everything will be under control. But due to this fear you cannot let yourself stay back and crush your desires every single day. For once at least, just try to do what your heart says. That feeling of satisfaction and fulfillment is something nothing in the world could be compared to. You will notice that the chain you broke by following your bliss was worth it. You just need to explore yourself before anyone else does. And this is only possible when you decide to follow the bliss.

Just a Girl

​It actually seems great to others being the only girl child in the house. You don’t have to share anything with anyone and you’re asked for everything. Parents love you and siblings listen to whatever you say. Everyone see you like a princess who just orders and is served in golden plate. But it’s not that glittery as it seems. The reality is a little different from it. Well, it starts when a girl is not even her proper senses. It is a mother who starts to teach her daughter that you don’t have to speak loudly with your father or brothers, it’s unethical and you will be considered disrespectful after that. That little child would grow up keeping this line told by her mother in her heart. There would be a thousand things which she wanted to talk about to her brother or father but whenever she tries to say anything, her mother’s words came across her. Her mother was the person to sketch a line around her and she is caged in that line forever now. 

“What would THEY say?” a statement which every one of us has to confront every single day.

“Don’t speak and laugh loudly”. You are not supposed to laugh loudly and shouldn’t be so forthcoming since you’re a girl. What would people say? I think every girl is taught this by her family. Especially in a country like Pakistan, where a girl is only considered to be a show piece, no girl should talk in a louder tone because she is not just living her life, but she is representing her family. I once witnessed a situation when some guests came to see my cousin for their son. She is beautiful, lively and lovable, plus a graduate in economics.  Her mother specially delivered her a lecture of about half an hour, that how you have to go in front of the guests and how slowly and calmly you have to speak, how you should walk and so on. And she did all that as well which was upsettingly astonishing for me. She was shown to the guests like a showpiece whom they are supposed to comment on and judge. Her fakeness was what her mother inserted in her mind. I still sometimes think that was it necessary to fake out her personality in front of some random people. What would’ve been happened if they saw the real her? The only worse thing could’ve happened was that they reject her. What was the point of creating that useless drama? Well, it’s something I haven’t understood my whole life.

“What are you wearing? Don’t you know how the society is? What would they say? Your father would kill you if you went in front of him like this.” The most common lines a girl have to hear. “Eat like a girl. Why you eat that much?”. She cannot walk alone on the road side because of “What would THEY say?. Sometimes I really want to know who these “THEY” are. Do they pay for me? Am I dependant on them? Then why my parents and the society are so worried about them. Eventually their words are more important to my people more than me. You are walking on the roadside and some random people on a motor bike passes by and comments on you. The people around you won’t say anything to them because they are boys. They can say what they want. You should’ve stayed back in your house, in your room. “Yes, I am blamed for wanting to go out. I understand, it’s my fault I completely get it.” This is what a girl thinks when she fails to make people understand her, not only people but her own family. 

It is no one but us who has built this wall around us. She is just a girl. Seriously, it doesn’t matter if she eats more. The society won’t put her in their mouth if you let her go out alone. Nothing would go wrong if she laughs loudly. It’s not a sin to talk to your father or brother openly. We have to change our thoughts about it. Your little liberty and trust is her world. A girl only wants her family to trust her, whether the whole world becomes her opponent. And it is not tough or task of any other world. When you try to put a block in front of the water, it would find ten ways to go out through that block. Same is when you try to put a no and useless restrictions over that girl over every little thing, you yourself are turning her to rebel. I’m not talking about the big decisions but the smaller one. Your little deed of affection and a yes can make her love grow stronger in you. Nothing is going to get wrong. The world won’t end. The society about whom you care so much, will not remember you but that girl would.  These little things can make a change in our lives. We just have to take a step right from our own homes. There would be a visible change after it. 

Separation: This, Too, Shall Pass

Separation is simply living apart. But is living apart that easy? Obviously not. Where one has moved on the other one might be stuck in the past. No matter what the condition is, separating is always a tough choice. Well for me, it always has been a strange thing. How can you leave someone with whom you have spent so much time, whom you once said you love and cannot live without? But now I understand that it is better to disrupt the ways rather than bring in an abusive or painful relationship. The period of separation does not automatically begin simply because both are living apart because of imprisonment, illness or work transfer of one of them. It comes along with a saga of emotions. When one is completely dishearten by the decision. It becomes difficult for them to move on. It seems like the whole life is revolving around that single relationship. You cannot see another thing except it. Every thought seems to be pointless and you only want to do what your heart says. And it says to be with that person.
Many people take it as this is the end. But no, it not. It’s just the start of a new life. This might be painful and might knock you down at many points in life. But this is what God has planned for you and He never plans it wrong. Let this vague dream come to an end, it’s the fate and your reality. I’ve seen people in my life who take separation over their nerves. To be honest, I would even do the same in such a situation. But is it fine to be with that person who does not love you anymore? Would it be easy for you to face them every day and go over the same emotional stress every day? It would kill you inside. It would tear you apart as a sword wound and you won’t be able to do anything about it. Would it be easy for you to go through that pain over and over again? Yes, separation is the end, but not the end of your life but of that torment which you’ve been facing for long. Life is way more beautiful than you think about it. It’s no one but you who have the right to decide what you happiness is because it’s not a fairy tale but reality.

Separation doesn’t mean you end up sitting in the corner of the room crying and repenting over but it is to move ahead and explore what you neglected before. Life has given you a chance to live according to your own choice. That space in your heart would be filled again by the patience God is going to gift you. Don’t be disruptive but happy that you have chosen the way that is made for you. You will realize some day that this is the right thing for you. This hope of happiness will enlighten your life and you won’t regret it in any way. Some day you will be able to hold on to yourself tightly and that day would give you a more hopeful time ahead. If you stand there still, you would stop growing. You set down your anchor and your boat no longer flows smoothly down the ocean of life. If you walk on the path your partner gives up, you will end up with resentment and unhappiness, and a feeling of loss.

Let it go with love and honor. That is not failure. That is honoring and respecting your higher self. Now you are both free to walk your paths freely without compromise. It’s a liberating and powerful feeling. Look around the positivity around you and accept what God almighty has planned for you. There would be no repentance afterwards and life will golden again.